Your pocket knife often doubles as a toothpick.

You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since “Smokey and the Bandit” was snubbed for best picture.

The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.

You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

You think a Volvo is part of a woman’s anatomy.

You’ve been too drunk to fish.

Jack Daniel’s makes your list of “most admired people”.

You won’t stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.

Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive. Your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does.

You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.

You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.