If you only had 3 minutes to live what would you do?

The situation – You’re on the edge of a cliff, in a 30-foot-tall portable toilet (portapotty) with a vent on top. There is a 1 lb block of C4 connected to the door latch and hooked to a 3 minute timer. There also is a brand new 35-foot rope, a pocket knife, the leftover wire used to rig the bomb, a case of Molson Golden , a pack of JuicyFruit gum and MacGuyver is nowhere to be found. At the bottom of the cliff, Neil Young is performing a concert hosted by the local chapter of the Young Democrats from the local liberal arts college. What do you do? Outside is your lesbian neighbor Monique. The timer starts right now.

Well, If I can open the door without the C4 going off I would do the following:
1. Move the beer out for later consumption
2. distract my lesbian neighbor by offering her some gum and while she was distracted tie the rope to her and use the knife to cut the excess rope.
3. I would carve Vote Republican onto the wall of the portapotty (time permitting).
4. I would then push the portapotty over the cliff onto the Neil Young concert goers and take out as many liberal democrats as possible with the added bonus of pulling the lesbian neighbor over the edge with the portapotty to be with her liberal buddies.

If rigged and I could not escape, I would drink as much of the beer as I could for about 2 minutes, disregard the gum and rock the portapotty back and forth until it went over the cliff down onto the liberals below. I would hope that my lesbian neighbor would look over the cliff to see what happened and would get taken out by the massive glass from the beer bottles that would have exploded with the C4.

Oh, yeah, and just seconds before I went, ask god to foregive me for my sins as it worked for the thief who died on the cross next to Jesus, so the bible tells me so!

That was easy, NEXT!

PJ Harvey – Hook – Lyrics – So Live ! 1998 – Rid of me

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